The Fear Holding Me Back

I started reading 100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs a few days ago. And like every book I try and read, I am not 100% consistent in reading it every day. But today amidst my migraine, I heard it calling to me and I picked it up to read Day 5, “Just Start”.

“To start the journey toward that thing- I don’t know what it is for you- is not a journey to courage. The moment you take that first step, the moment you start, little seeds of courage, the ones I believe are already planted there right now, begin to sprout in our heart. You aren’t headed to find courage. It’s in you, it is blooming, and it is with you as you travel and say yes to things that seem scary.”

Annie F. Downs

She asked the question at the end, “What does it look like for you to take a step of courage today that will help you start?”. This got me to thinking, what are the things that I am wanting to start that I am scared to start? And why am I scared to start them? The answer to why is that I am terrified of failure. I am seriously my own worst critic. But what would happen if I just got out of my own way and just tried? If I fail, would it really be that life shattering that I would just fall down and die? Probably not if I am being honest.

The truth is, I would learn and I would grow from the experience. If we don’t try, we stay in the same place and become complacent and I don’t know about you, I don’t want that for my life.

So what are some of the things I am scared of trying? Well, let’s see here, I have been wanting to try painting with watercolors. What is the thing that is holding me back? Feeling like I am going to be terrible at it. I have even bought the watercolor paints and they are just sitting there staring at me like, “Why did you even buy us if you aren’t going to use us and let us collect dust? We want to be something beautiful!”

Another is learning to use typography on images. It isn’t like I don’t know the basics of doing that, I learned it in college. But something in me is saying, don’t do it or you will end up looking like all those other motivational sayings hanging on the wall. But in all honesty, what is wrong with that? Nothing, absolutely nothing at all! I even bought new fonts to try out the other day and have I loaded them or even looked at them yet? No. So why am I waiting?

Starting an Etsy shop is yet another thing that I have been wanting to do and have yet to do! “Why?” you ask? Partly because I don’t know what should go on there, but mostly because what would happen if I suck at doing it? Then I move on and try something else because it would be yet another learning experience.

And, if I am being really honest, this blog is another thing that scares me. What if no one reads it? What if I can’t get a following on my Instagram that is for this blog? Does that mean my goal for becoming a Social Media manager is going to fail? The reality of it is, if only one person reads it and they can relate to the post, isn’t that a win in and of itself? The same with Instagram. That doesn’t mean that I would be bad at Social Media management. It isn’t a reflection of how I relate to people in business at all. It is a great way for me to express myself creatively and maybe connect with some people along the way and that is what it really should be about.

I have always been so worried about what people will think of me and how bad it would look if I fail at something. Isn’t it even worse if I just give up and don’t try? So what am I waiting for? What are you waiting for? What is holding you back from pursuing your dreams? That dream that God rooted in you so deep you can’t get it out of your head? Why not start today and do something about it?